Carcinogens Make Me Better Than Everyone Else

This is a fairly regular source of irritation, and it's borne on a contiguous thread shared by most smokers.  It's the same factor that makes them smoke right next to the doorways of buildings (summer or winter, makes no difference) in front of the signs that say "no smoking within 15' of doorway."  It also drives them to toss their butts onto the sidewalk or in the gutter, frequently while standing next to a trash receptacle.  It also gives them to understand it is acceptable to dump their ash tray out of their car window, while stopped at an intersection or before leaving a parking lot.

Figure 1. is the No Smoking sticker posted inside the bus shelter.

Figure 2. is the lit cigarette in this woman's hand.  She seated herself underneath the No Smoking sign, pulled out a pack of cigarettes, selected one and lit up.  (Amazingly, the bus did not promptly appear and pull up to the stop.)

It's hilarious that she's pretending to read the funny squiggles in this notebook when it's patently clear she cannot read.  Is it more reasonable to assume the writing is in another, non-Romantic language, or that she's an inconsiderate boor?  Either argument is supported by her behavior on the bus, when she chose to stand in the stairwell of the rear door while the bus drove along, despite clear signage forbidding exactly this.

A third option may be that she is very, very bad about noticing things in her environment.  She could be ESL, arrogant, or completely oblivious to her environment.  Which is the most reasonable or likely?

Aptly Named

Driving south on 77 to Bloomington, my wife noticed with some surprise the big truck riding her ass.  I looked in the passenger-side rear-view mirror and saw an enormous headlight.  I knew that couldn't be right: "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear," after all.

I didn't stop to think about that, how the situation was direr than the mirror suggested.

Craning my head around to peer out the back window, all I saw was a big grill and two big headlights.  This asshole in the tow truck was less than one full car length behind us, ticking over the speed limit but held up by our vehicle.  Why didn't he pass?  He did when the left lane emptied out enough to do so, but until that point he judged the wisest course of action was to threaten to come into contact with our vehicle at a high speed.

I took a picture of him riding our bumper and I got several shots of him passing us.  I used one of them to refer to his license plate and the markings on his vehicle as I called him in to highway patrol.  Oh yes, I have no qualms about that.  I called in a guy clearly reeking of beer, with a can of beer in his can cozy, when two crumpled cans of beer fell out of his car as he climbed into the driver's seat.  I called in a group of rowdy youth who were tailgating and changing lanes erratically before passing me at 20 over the limit.  I'm not shy at all about reporting a hazardous situation, so when this driver blew by on our left and raced up to the next clutch of cars, his cab wobbling as the driver struggled to retain control in the wake of a failed lane change--he wanted to go in the spot occupied by a sedan without being aware of the sedan--I absolutely called it in.

My advice to this guy is twofold: either drive like a decent, responsible motorist, or if you insist on driving like an asshole, think twice about doing it in a large red truck with your company's name and phone number boldly painted on the sides and back.

The More Things Change...

The sign above is posted on every single block along Hennepin Ave in the downtown zone. It's posted in two directions, for northbound and southbound traffic.

No one pays any attention to it, of course. Motorists are just so thrilled to legally drive southbound on both lanes of Hennepin that they aren't aware they're not allowed to be in one of those lanes.

Each of the cars pictured had been driving--and would continue to drive--down the bus-only/bike-only lane, at the time of the photo. That lane is also reserved for motorists making a right turn, but neither of them displayed any interest in right turns for a few blocks in either direction. And just in case the posted sign is too obscure to note from the vehicle, please note how they're also driving right over the bright white, freshly painted signage on the street itself. There's only one posted sign but three of these symbols per block.

This, of course, means nothing to Minneapolis motorists. The cyclists don't present a great argument for themselves, either, deigning not to use the dedicated bike lanes down First Ave, turning off Hennepin to salmon down the one-ways as they always have done, and weaving between lanes, squeezing between vehicles as is absolutely prohibited (and goes against their own "bikes deserve a full lane" rule).

What's Good for the Cyclist is Good for the Motorist

Blurry shot, I apologize, but the vehicle I was in was moving pretty swiftly and inexorably forward.

The story behind this is that the woman in this photo redefined her relationship to traffic signals.  She pulled up to a red light, looked around, and then started up and drove through it.

Cyclists consider this the "Portland rules" version of traffic law, except this lady was in a car.  She pulled her car up to a red light, stopped, paused, then drove through.  Many local cyclists, who do not consider themselves vehicles, believe they have the right to do this but that cars do not.  (They also believe they deserve a full lane of traffic, despite not being a part of traffic.  Riddle me that one, Batman.)  Of course, this is not a legally defensible right, but rather than submit the appropriate paperwork and lean on legislators to change the law, they passive-aggressively (as per Minnesotan tradition) break the law and hope that legislature will magically conform itself to their behavior.

Anyway.  She ran the red light and, a block later, pulled over (abruptly, without signal) to get a cup of coffee at Urban Bean.  I think the staff of UB would not have served her if they knew the threat she posed to cyclists (or anyone), but there's no way to transmit that kind of information in timely fashion.

The Beat Goes On

Apparently, this conversation isn't finished yet.

After a few weeks of relative peace, the result of my not-looking for traffic offenses--indeed, actively blocking them out--I started to regain my balance and attain a sort of peace. I also started listening to a Podcast from UC Berkeley about rhetoric, and it opened my mind as to relative morality, ethical arguments, and how individual relationships with symbolism and communication. It definitely filled a need I did not know I had.

Then, one day I was riding the bus to work and watched a violent traffic accident almost happen. A motorist decided she didn't need to stop for a red light, and the motorist across from her decided he had time to make a late left turn in the intersection. Each of these people (like a certain jackass cyclist of my acquaintance) decided that certain laws didn't apply to them.

Almost before I knew it, I pulled my camera out, cracked the bus window a couple inches, and zoomed in for a shot of the rear of the car that only reluctantly halted--the way the car rocked indicated the driver was having second and third thoughts about stopping. I got the shot, closed the window, and looked at the camera in my hand. I didn't want to restart this blog because I didn't want to go to that dark place again, so I posted the picture on my regular blog with the caveat that this would not be a regular thing.

And then I started taking more pictures.

So I hope Small Laws is well rested after a month of slumber, because I still need a place to vent. There's a new environment, with the dedicated bike lanes down First Ave and motorists ignoring the new signage on Hennepin. Motorists are still aggressive and cyclists are still self-righteous and hypocritical, ingredients for a dry martini of disaster.

Over the Top

This is too ridiculous.

Minneapolis, you city of inveterate and gleeful lawbreakers, I give up. Your crimes, ranging from the petty to the egregious, are too numerous to begin to reckon yet too ubiquitous to avoid. You do not wish to correct or improve yourselves but spend all of your energy defending your actions, justifying your violations, denigrating the laws that stand for sanity and safety.

There are too many of you and only one of me. I have neither support nor recourse. Lately the weight of all that is wrong has been weighing too heavily upon my head. And lately the number of cyclist-to-cyclist confrontations I've been involved in has begun increasing (probably coincidence).

Bitching in this blog isn't worth my health. No more camera, no more personal accounts: Small Laws ends here.

Negative Reinforcement

Today I woke up late and ran out of the house in a hurry. The time was five minutes past when I should've been in the office, when I hopped on my bike. I thought, Fuck it, let's try Portland rules. That means "red light=stop, then go" and "stop sign=yield."

When I went from busing to biking, I took about ten minutes off my commute time. When I biked top-speed to Downtown, Portland rules, I shaved another ten minutes off.

There's not enough kickback to following the rules, obeying the law. The only benefit is a likely avoidance of traffic tickets and fines (though the cops have been known to make shit up on the fly, when they feel the inclination). When you try to do the right thing, your blog is snickered at in message boards and you receive physical threat on the streets. Nobody admires you for your effort: you're just an asshole.

But the scofflaws, the bad boys: they get the girls, the hot artwork, good beer, and cool sponsors, the interesting multimedia events. You get friends and allies with zero effort--they're just there, waiting for you. They've already congregated and they believe as you do. You have support, and you're going to party.

I think Small Laws is done.

When a Bad Idea Wants You, It Will Get You

Oh, this was a fun one. This was a line of dominoes that starts without conscious thought and ends in a disaster.

This lady was at the front of a long line of cars, stopped at a red light at Bryant Ave/36th St W, all heading southbound. Does this sound familiar? I've covered it before: three times, I've nearly been hit by a car here, so every time I come through I'm extremely defensive, cautious, and alert. And despite, something new and unexpected occurs.

There was a line of cars heading south, and I was biking south down the Bryant Bikeway. They've got the red light so I'm watching every single car to see who has their right-turn signals on: not many, because there is construction tearing up 36th to the west. There are no turn signals on but I know this doesn't mean a goddamn thing, because some people only turn their signals on once they actually pull up to the intersection and begin to turn (the Minnesotan custom); others never use their signals at all. Consequently, I've slowed down and am coasting down the sharrow with great trepidation.

True to form, the unexpected happened. As soon as the light turned green the lady at the head of the line flipped on her left-turn signal. The cars behind her, being jumpy, accelerated and braked in rapid succession, laying on their horns, and two of them abruptly jerked their wheels to the hard right, to pull out of the lane and pass ahead in anger.

And I'm right next to one of them. You just cannot do enough to prepare for these things.

The driver beside me happened to spot me in time and braked again; the driver two cars up who also turned must've seen this and also held his place in line (or else he didn't have enough room to nose out of line, riding the ass of the woman in front of him). I succeeded all the cars and snapped a picture of the Brainiac in the first vehicle (MN plates LVU 988). Granted, she's only adhering to the time-honored Minnesotan tradition of "signal while turning and not before," but that is a particularly hazardous tradition that should be abandoned. (As a matter of fact, it's illegal, but law is, like, so uncool.)

[where: Chair, 3554 Bryant Ave S, Minneapolis, MN]
[where: East Harriet, Minneapolis, MN]

Relevant Misc. Articles

For no reason, and uncharacteristic to prior posting style, here's a list of (old) cycling-oriented articles I'm reading currently.

Arrest made, van seized after hit-and-run injures five cyclists - Much-referenced article: Canadian cyclist group is run into by van. (7/19/09)

Cycle Law: Should Bikes Be Treated Like Cars? - Examines more of the details of incorporating bikes fully into society. Careful: the comments here will offend or disgust nearly every Minneapolis-based cyclist. (8/3/09)

Bike Center Aims to Be Haven for Riders - 150 enclosed bike racks, changing rooms, repair shop and retail store. Dare we dream. (8/13/09)

My brush with a psycholist - English columnist goes on at length about incidents of road rage between cyclists and motorists. (9/24/09)

Minneapolis cyclist left in the dust - Transit service bus demolishes bike, company refuses to buy rider a new one. (8/29/09)

Picking at Old Scabs

This is just one of those cyclists that gets under my skin. He sees me stopped at a red light and it means nothing to him. When he rides through, is he going about his business or is he, in turn, trying to teach me a lesson by example?

We did that horrible leapfrogging effect, where he'd run a red light and pass me, and I'd catch up on the straightaway, and he'd run another red light and go ahead. I first spotted him when he passed me at the bike-only lane on S 12th St, turning left on a red light to LaSalle Ave. It would've been a different matter if LaSalle, like 12th St, were a one-way, but it is not and the turn in question is completely illegal for cars and bikes alike. He went on to run a couple more red lights between 12th St and 9th St, turned left, turned right onto Hennepin, and you can imagine how much respect he had for the red lights there. I only know his trajectory because that's exactly how I was going to work.

You might conceive my delight was less than kindled to run into him again on my way home from work. (There is an unpleasant person on a contentious message board who would like to suggest that I am "stalking" him.) Think of it like this: you're in elementary school and you're taking a test. You're working hard to do a good job but next to you is an unruly child. He's throwing spitballs around the room, he's peeking at other kids' tests, but he always ducks down when the teacher looks up and so he is never caught--indeed, he pretends to be a decent and behaved person. Teacher looks away, and he's back to his antics.

What is the point of this? He didn't even stop to rest until off-ramp traffic died down: it was a point of pride with him--as with many cyclists--to keep balancing, even if that means rolling forward. Into traffic. As it happened, he was nearly struck by two cars whipping around the blind curve at that intersection, entirely due to his own impatience. He's not thinking about how it feels to have his bike knocked out from under him, to be struck sidelong by a windshield. He's certainly not thinking about the trauma suffered by a motorist who, driving along, is abruptly confronted by a person sitting in their path, cannot evade, and kills another person.

All he's thinking about is, I don't feel like waiting at this red light, and I shouldn't have to. To me, that is short-sighted.

SOLUTION: Pull this guy off his bike, kneel on his throat, and recite Minn. Stat. 169.18, 169.19, and 169.222 for his benefit. Make him eat a bug.

[where: Continental, 66 S 12th St, Minneapolis, MN]
[where: Downtown West, Minneapolis, MN]